I’m lying on my deck (literally on the floor of my deck because the furniture is covered for the winter), soaking up some sun. I thought about how nice this felt, and then I remembered it was February 21, and it shouldn’t be 70 degrees.

So now I feel like shit again.

I kind of like this idea that when I go to bed, the government shuts down too. Then when I wake up, it’s just booting back up. Really, what’s the point in having a functioning government running 24 hours a day? That just seems wasteful!

If Marcus Mariota doesn’t start his post-game press conference with “There’s no “I” in “team”, but there is one in “Mariota”, which is why I threw a touchdown to myself.”, well, he’ll have missed a golden opportunity.

Probably the best thing about adopting a highway compared to adopting a kid is that when you’re sick of it after a year, you can just give it back.

Apparently, I was PART OF the group selected as Time Magazine’s “Man (Person) of the Year,” for 2006. Part of is no good, so I’ll take a pass. Thanks anyway!

I got a spam email pitching me on a flight simulator game. The subject was “You be the pilot”, which is now my new real-life flying nightmare.

Now that Richard Trumka and Thea Lee of the AFL-CIOhave resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, they will have more time to JESUS CHRIST FIVE PEOPLE STEPPED DOWN IN A SINGLE DAY!

Now that Scott Paul of the Alliance for American Manufacturing has resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, he will have more time to STOP DOING A TERRIBLE JOB REPRESENTING WORKERS AND PREVENT COMPANIES FLEEING COUNTRY!

Now that Kevin Plank of Under Armour has resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, he will have more time to STOP MOISTURE WICKING GYM CLOTHES FROM TRAPPING ALL THE STINK!

Now that Brian Krzanich of Intel has resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, he will have more time to FIX FLOATING-POINT BUGS!

Asked about the millions of dead Koreans from both the North and the South, Sarah Huckabee Sanders replied “President Trump only launched those nukes sarcastically”.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a good app to watch videos of fireworks from years past? I want to really get in the mood!