: Happy Jerry Seinfeld Vomit Day to all who celebrate! 🤮

: I’m really glad “Law & Order” is getting a chance to come back and finish their story.

: Why on earth are they still calling this Dick Clark’s New Years' Eve?

: Hey, did you hear Trump’s response to the Derek Chauvin verdict? Me neither! It’s so …

: Personally, what I’ve missed most during COVID is the lack of cahoots. It is practically impossible …

: “Secretary Fudge” is probably the funniest name you’ll hear today.

: “You have to admit a Christmas tree smells good!” “They make a spray.”

: COVID-19 has stolen so much from us. I haven’t seen a single post-Halloween walk of shame.

: Really looking forward to next month’s “Sexy Coronavirus” costumes

: What have you done today to help get us out of this dystopian hellscape? Me, I just prepared another …

: “The developer’s computer is constantly hosed” is the modern-day version of “The …

: It’s a good day for Maya Rudolph.

: Say 💥 are 🎇 there 🧨 a lot 💣 of 🌩 fireworks 🧨 near 💥 you?

: Has anyone seen any studies on the efficacy of masks held dangling from one’s hand? Based on …

: I’m worried about Joe Biden’s mental state. He denied this sexual assault claim, sure, …

: If I die, please know that I died doing what I apparently love: Touching my own dumb face …

: “Thank you for being a business advantage checking relationship rewards platinum honors client” the …

: If you’re looking for an exciting way to really spice up your life, trying having some fun …

: The “Practice random acts of gardening” bumper sticker has to be the stupidest I’ve seen in August.

: I’ve only got about 28 hours left, so please allow me to wish you all a joyous Prime Day.

: Not a single person in London has wished me a happy Fourth of July today, and that’s simply …

: If I saw you in San Jose this past week, it was a pleasure and I’m sorry we didn’t have …

: The government will gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamberder today.

: Would someone close to the senator please tell Mitch McConnell about this amazing thing called …

: Finally, my friends. Finally, Big Mouth Billy Bass with Alexa support is real: amzn.to/2Sgjfot

: Financially speaking, the end of daylight saving time was clearly the optimal night to stay in a …

: I’m really gonna miss all the great interactions I had on…oh, wait, Google+? Never mind.

: Gosh, that broom emoji needs to hurry up and get here already! emojipedia.org/broom/

: Ah, and here we see the white-breasted North American deplorable. If you listen, you’ll hear him …

: A helpful gentleman on the street mumbled an offer/threat to chop off my busted leg. He was dressed …

: So if we just constantly play the national anthem around Donald Trump, at least that one hand on his …

: “These Beautiful women should proudly compete in the Swimsuit Competition, Bikinis on, in honor of …

: Someone actually asked to take a picture of my peg leg. The only thing worse would be asking to take …

: Friends, if you seek unwanted attention and desire to have the same conversation over and over …

: More bright side of my broken foot: In addition to needing to pack half the socks for this trip, I …

: Alright, airport, let’s get it the F on! I see no way traveling with a peg leg could go poorly!

: Sure, my foot is broken, but you have to look at the bright side. Because I’m only wearing one sock …

: Just for the record, like John McCain, I also don’t want Donald Trump at my funeral.

: If you want to get on the press wi-fi at Angels Stadium, I’ve got you covered, thanks to NESN.

: If you live in the Northeast, you know that today is a good day to not own a dog.

: I’m lying on my deck (literally on the floor of my deck because the furniture is covered for …

: I kind of like this idea that when I go to bed, the government shuts down too. Then when I wake up, …

: If Marcus Mariota doesn’t start his post-game press conference with “There’s no “I” in “team”, but …

: Probably the best thing about adopting a highway compared to adopting a kid is that when you’re sick …

: Apparently, I was PART OF the group selected as Time Magazine’s “Man (Person) of the Year,” for …

: I got a spam email pitching me on a flight simulator game. The subject was “You be the pilot”, which …

: The iPhone X is really gonna leave a mark when you inevitably drop it on your face.

: Remember the iPhone 8? That thing was amazing, the best phone in the world, for approximately 4 …

: Now that’s revolutionary! Apple just made a product obsolete before it was even released.

: Now that Richard Trumka and Thea Lee of the AFL-CIOhave resigned from the President’s Manufacturing …

: Now that Scott Paul of the Alliance for American Manufacturing has resigned from the President’s …

: Now that Kevin Plank of Under Armour has resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, …

: Now that Brian Krzanich of Intel has resigned from the President’s Manufacturing Council, he …

: Asked about the millions of dead Koreans from both the North and the South, Sarah Huckabee Sanders …

: “I like senators who don’t get brain tumors.”

: Oh god, I overslept and missed Prime Day entirely!

: Does anyone have a recommendation for a good app to watch videos of fireworks from years past? I …

: I just had a guy honk at me and yell “Hey, you dropped your pocket!”. I didn’t fall for it, so …

: It will be a glorious day when the Micro.Blog app officially ships and iOS’s hideous beta dot …

: Testing my Micro.Blog setup (ported over from Snippets), with posting via MarsEdit.

: I dunno what’s actually happening to Twitter, but an algorithmic timeline sounds awful to me. …

: Over at Rogue Amoeba, we shipped a new app today: Loopback. Releases are always frenetic, and always …

: For me, 3D Touch is so far mildly interesting and nothing more. As more third-party apps adopt it, …

: The new iPhone has arrived, but I have no case for it yet. I’m terrified of dropping this …

: I sort of just remembered I have a new iPhone coming tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be good, …

: While walking, I saw a dollar bill on the ground. I went to pick it up, only to find the underside …

: Yesterday, I went to move my motorcycle for street sweeping today. I learned the bike had been …

: Hey, look, a timeline of posts! And a way to send out my own posts from the iPhone. Not bad, …

: We just shipped a beta of our newest app. This thing confuses even me at times, so I worry about it. …

: Whole lotta data entry and mindless busywork lately - from dealing with mailing list cruft to …

: Today’s the last day of dog-sitting, after almost a week. I’ve had fun, but even so, a …

: The Audio Hijack 3.2 release was a big one, and I’m pleased to have it done. …

: Some times it seems like you’re not getting anything done. Other times, you’re up until …

: I got subdomains set up for my site today. Next up, I need to get Wordpress Multisite set up, so I …

: I was looking at migrating my WordPress install to “Multi-site”, which allows for …